Are you kidding me? Let's have this final at night...

So, where has Casey Jennings been? What happened to Rosie? Is Rachel okay? Who’s playing with who this weekend at the final “normal” tournament of the year in Cincinnati? Why was the weather so ridiculous the past two weekends in the Midwest and did sub 60’s temps, combined with 30 mph winds, contribute to the injury factory that is now the AVP Tour? Despite the inclement temperatures and sideways rain, is Chicago still the best stop on the AVP? Would New York be just as impressive if it was held anywhere other than Coney Island? How much does it cost to stay at The Drake? And why is Jesse Rambis always hanging out in the presidential suite with a view of play from his window front? Will Kurt Rambis be able to turn the Timberwolves into a legitimate contender in 4-5 years? And if he does, will he get a war hero’s return back into LA as the new Lakers head man once Phil steps down and finally commits to spending all of his time at Myagi’s on Sunset with the cheerleaders doing sake bombs? Would a Hot Winter Nights event go over well in Southern California at a place like Staples, despite the actual beach no more than 12 miles down the road? What was Todd Rogers wearing in the “Shaq VS Kerri and Misty” ABC television show, and why did it look more like he won a gold medal in Greco-Roman Wrestling than Beach Volleyball? How do you think Kerri felt after stuffing down her husband following an errant set from Shaq Fu? My guess is: Real Good.

Let’s get to it…

Casey Jennings has had his own shit going on. It’s all very serious, and entirely personal, so I’ll leave it at that. But he’s back, feeling better than ever, and looking to continue his streak of ‘years with at least one tournament victory’ this weekend in Cincinnati. I’ll be watching his tournament closely as Anthony I need to finish higher than him to earn a spot in Vegas as either a competitor or an alternate. Most likely he’ll be as fired up as ever, and probably win the damn thing, so my Vegas dreams will be dashed, but if that’s the case, I’m okay with it. We had our chances during the last five tournaments and we blew it. Anthony hasn’t played well due to an enormity of ailments and I, once again, am feeling the effects of a full season at the net blocking; with tired quads, back and mind. I will give it my all this weekend, but our seed will be so low, possibly last, it will take an act of God to achieve what we need to earn a ticket to Mandalay Bay. In fact, I will be ecstatic with a top ten finish, let alone a 5th.

On to Rosie: Sean officially has a torn ligament in his right wrist, but somehow it isn’t slowing him down. You know how some people just got it? Well, he’s one of them. What’s weird is how much smoother he looks on the court right now because there seems to be absolutely no pressure on him to do well. He’s chopping it up, mixing in shots with hits, jump serving at a blistering pace, digging the heat with one arm – perfectly, bouncing the transition swing with his left, and bump setting his partner super high and 10-12 ft. off the net, right where he likes it. If we’re #14, we’ll get these guys first round, and it will probably be just like the match we played in Chicago on Friday afternoon. It’s possible that we learned a couple of things about them and will use it to our advantage, but it’s also possible that none of that really matters; the game is always going to come down to a few points to be won by the player who wants it more, and Rosie has always proven that when the match is on the line, he wants it.

Rachel Wacholder is back. Or, at least that’s what she told me in Chicago. Her shoulder was thrashed by the wind in Muskegon, but not thrashed enough to keep her out for the remainder of the season. Kerri, on the other hand, is a robot. She’s the new Karch. How she’s doing it, no one knows. What I do know is, she can win with anybody; and yes, Kerri, even though you think 5th place is equivalent to 25th, you’re still winning. And yes, you just had a baby; like, yesterday. And yes, you’re in ridiculous shape for a mom, let alone, a new mom. We all hail you Kerri, because, you are still the Queen. And we all show up to your court because we owe the sport and its survival to you. As much as I love Misty, maybe it’s time to acknowledge that she might not be coming back, and Kerri is the one we will all need to lean on. The game is everything to her. For Misty, it’s different, and perhaps it stems all the way back to her days immediately following Long Beach State, when Holly’s regimented approach tainted her view of the beach game forever, “You must hang clean twice that weight! Press up, press up, press up! This isn’t supposed to be fun! I don’t care if you have a torn ab muscle!” You must hate the sport to overcome it! Squeeze the glutes! Squeeze the glutes!” I think you get my point. Fortunately, Kerri only got one tournament with Holly, and she didn’t have to complete a tryout in the weight room.    

Cincinnati! Yes, that Cincinnati. The Cincinnati that starts in 3 days. The Cincinnati that has the best fan turnout of any tournament in America and is going to try and fill an 8,000 seat tennis stadium for the finals on Sunday. Dear God, I can’t wait to see this. I love Cincinnati. And I love the job the promoter, Mario, is doing to make the tournament such a success. Here’s to another great weekend in Ohio.

Now, that being said, who’s playing with who? So, here’s the back story: Casey checks back in to his old role as one of the best defenders on Earth and wants to scoop in Mason, Fuerbs has already picked up Billy Allen for the remainder of the season because Casey left him partner-less down the stretch, but a 25th in the tornado-like winds of Muskegon and a 9th in Chicago cause him to question his decision making, Sean Rosenthal tears a ligament in his right wrist and elects to have surgery yesterday, thus polishing off his season and leaving Gibb stranded, Jake and Fuerbs talk about reliving their KOB magic and love for each other in the ‘Nati by becoming the biggest team ever assembled on American soil, but decide against it when Rosie re-thinks surgery and determines that he’s still better than 98% of players on tour with one arm and that the operation table can wait until after his final cocktail goes down in Glendale, Casey delivers the hard sell to Matt, Matt gives him the puppy dog eyes and says “One more tournament partner!,” Jake goes to the beach to do a weighted vest workout so his back is ready to carry his injured partner to another 3rd, Billy Allen sits down at the Kinda Good headquarters in Redondo Beach and voice activates his phone to re-dial Braidy Halverson until he picks up, “Braidy Halverson!,” in the midst of slamming his fist against the table every time it forwards directly to voice mail, Braidy laughs on the other end of the phone as he combs his 6-Man mustache while his wife gets him a fresh glass of sun tea, Allen finally gives up and realizes that Cincinnati is lost, UNLESS!, Braidy is injured (Mysterious reports list that he pulled something getting off the toilet?) and Billy is able to replace him with a seasoned veteran that has played somewhere in the range of 392 tournaments, and has lived in the Venice Beach Volleyball house for all of them, paying $325 in rent per month for 17 years, and goes by the name of Paul Baxter. Meanwhile, somewhere near Brentwood, Bax’s former partner, Joaquin Acosta is busy turning green and ripping through his American Apparel tri-blend t-shirt because of the blind sided back attack Baxter gave him by dumping him last second for Allen. You see, Cincinnati is a 16-team event that each team must qualify for as a team, and since Acosta/Baxter were officially the 16th team in on points, by totaling each team’s 10 best finishes over the course of the summer, Joaquin only had one chance to play, with Bax. But truth be told, if Billy didn’t play with Paul, he would have replaced Braidy with someone else on the list and pushed out Baxter/Acosta anyway, so really, it’s a rather moot point. Official list of all the rest of the squads comes out today, I’ll be sure to post as soon as they appear in my email inbox.

*It has finally arrived! The Official Cincinnati Main Draw Brackets: cincinnati-main-draw-brackets*

Back to Chicago. The city rocks. Yes, I could live there. Does BBDO have an office there? Googling now? Yes, let’s see… Entry level positions to get coffee and deliver mail at BBDO… There it is! BBDO CHICAGO! You probably can’t wear expensive looking suits and get shaves at the local man-spa by delivering mail and double shots of pooh juice, can you? Keep in mind, I said expensive looking, it will all be a front. Lord knows I’ll be earning more than I do spiking a volleyball though; and those suits will look way better than my tattered board shorts. So, how did we do? Or, how good didn’t we do? Well, we blew it first round and gave ourselves the hardest draw in AVP history. Ratlidge/Mariano at 17th – barely escaped, and Gibb/Rosenthal at 13th – didn’t escape. We lost 13-15 in the 3rd set and went home with barely enough to cover our hotel rooms. At least I stayed out in the Midwest from the previous weekend in Muskegon at Mike Morrison’s mother’s house in Detroit (huge thanks to the Morrison’s) and didn’t have to buy two separate $500 flights. I stayed at the Westin in Chicago because of the Starwood Employee hotrate that I have been blessed with receiving ever since I started wearing a W on my tank top. How the W San Diego has saved me, I’ll never be able to completely describe in words. But no, it’s not The Drake, and yes, I’m still jealous of Rambis. Good on ya kid. Beat on the street is that Matt Prosser also checked in after polishing off his stellar weekend in the semi-finals. As far as Kurt Rambis goes, he’s going to need more than a weekend at The Drake low balling the locals at Wrightwood Park if he plans to turn around a team in Minneapolis that absolutely no one cares about anymore. NO ONE. Living there was such a trip. Vikings, Vikings, Vikings; Wild, Wild, Wild; a little bit of the Twins, and then… What? There’s a basketball team here? That’s terrible? Like I said, good luck. Here’s hoping Ricky Rubio actually signs a contract before 2011, and is the next Steve Nash.

Before I go and eat, I’m starving, I need to mention that clothing detail Shaq forced upon his “VS” teammate, Olympic Gold Medalist, Todd Rogers. I know Todd isn’t exactly what you’d call, “A man about town,” but seriously? Saturday Night Live likes to call this segment, “Really?” You won a Gold Medal representing the United States of America, you win 16 tournaments each summer and more money than any other player (besides Phil) in our respective sport, you have the only socially acceptable goatee in professional sports (totally debatable), you endorse Red Bull, a drink you clearly consume on a daily basis, you’ve worn the same Katin board shorts since you won with Dax in 1997 (which, we’re all okay with because it gives you some level of street cred) and yet, you chose to wear black “Sugar Ray Leonard” boxing shorts with a black, skin tight, wife beater (sorry for political incorrectness, but that’s what they’re called on the street) on primetime network television? Really? Really!? (Pause…) Really?     

Really?